Hit-list: IPL’s DUDley XI

In the selectors’ cabin that sat down to choose the IPL’s DUDley XI, the air was tense. The task was simple, but the pool of choices much too large. In a month of capsule cricket that saw more sixers than a whole year of Test cricket, there were very few players who actually passed the ‘test’.

Emotions ran high as our readers court martialed each and every one of the promised saviours and the hits and misses of the just concluded season of the IPL. Some names were so hot that they sparked off a virtual war of words.

A user who calls himself DKM015 actually gave us 22 names for the list while Murtaza Poonawala also gave us a whole team of 11! Robin Chatterjee and an aptly titled Dudley King were first to point out that Mahendra Singh Dhoni was nowhere near expected standards, given his million dollar price tag, while other readers like Stasher, KGPN and A.K.Srinivas agreed with them.
But this prompted a whole army to come to the defence of the Indian ODI skipper. A reader who calls himself Cloudy moon led the charge for the defence while a very assertive Naintara and Srianand guru ensured a fair deal for Dhoni. At the end of the battle, I guess it’s safe to say Dhoni found himself far from the DUDleys list, either by virtue of his performance or his fan following. Brushing aside the dust from the shattered idols that lie by the wayside, let us raise the curtain and reveal the ones who actually made it to the final XI.

1) Shahid Afridi: This supposedly fierce hitter’s innings were always so short that our photographers had trouble getting pictures of him on the field.
2) Robin Uthappa: The deal was simple. If Uthappa scores, Mumbai loses. Sounds familiar?
3) VVS Laxman – Leading a team that looked magnificient on paper but totally clueless on the field, he was put out of his misery early on by injury.
4) Jacques Kallis: Came on the scene with a big hitter tag, but his luck was hardly better than his team’s and he failed to pose any challenge.
5) Mohammed Kaif: Reportedly among the highest paid in the Royals team, this young man was fortunate to find himself with the trophy, although he was never among the runs. A few notable exploits on the field gave cold comfort.
6) Ajit Agarkar: Always known as an expensive, but wicket taking bowler, he seems to have been more mixed up with the former tag rather than the latter.
7) Sunil Joshi: IPL was seen as his ticket back to the Indian team, but it was hard to spot him among the royal ruins. As our reader the critic_2008 pointed out, “what was he doing in the IPL?”
8) Chaminda Vaas: Not sure how many people actually noticed he was playing in the IPL. The batsmen definitely didn’t.
9) Ishant Sharma: A miniscule burst of success castling Dravid in the beginning was just about the whole IPL story for this ‘promising’ youngster
10) Cameron White: Much anticipated as a born-for-IPL player, he failed to make much impact on the score card.
11) Mutthiah Muralitharan: The legendary spinner seemed totally out of sorts and was lucky to have survived with his ‘legend’ tag intact. He justifies himself, saying IPL was only meant for fun.
Of course, the cricketers were not the only ones to face the heat. As a visibly disappointed reader Bunty_av pointed out, “Forget the cricketers...not worth talking about...the biggest disappointment were the camera men. The cameramen disappointed and showed more of the 'tamasha' in the middle than the 'items' on the boundaries - the cheerleading girls who had no idea what was going on in the middle and just wiggled at every shot and briefly caught on camera before the ads came on”.
Going by the name of Magzimuz, another one of our readers cleverly said, “to be a DUDley one should entice some expectations first!”. So we resist the temptation to throw in a few more names like Joginder Sharma into the list.

Hashad wanted to add the whole Hyderabad team. Except for Gilchrist and Rohit Sharma and I would agree with him, although I believe the Chargers faced tough competition from the Royal Challengers in this respect. Then again, I think the ‘Magzimuz principle’ should be followed here. They just haven’t earned the right to disappoint fans.
Of course, amidst all the brouhaha, we should remember that when it comes to cricket, it’s personal! After all, we are Indians!